True human intimacy can only develop when two people have taken the baby steps needed to develop trust and a feeling of safety. It takes time and it takes a commitment from both to allow a closeness to develop and grow and emerge from within.
Making time and 'taking it slow' can be foreign concepts in our fast paced, stress filled, modern world. Time and Love are the only ways to build a true understanding of each other and, little by little, to remove some of the protective layers we wear. The real treasures within can eventually be revealed and lived.
There is magic in our hearts and the beauty in our souls. These are found deep within each person and can be buried under the doubts, fears, negative self talk and poor self image that we can all develop over time. It takes time for each of us to create personal barriers to love and intimacy and it takes time to dissolve them.
The reward for this slow paced, focussed journey inward is the ability to find our inner treasure chest of 'wonderfulness' and once opened we have untold wealth to share. Treasures are always buried and never in full view. They may be found at the end of the rainbow or the bottom of the sea or dug deep under the earth. There is always a journey, a quest, a commitment involved in unearthing treasure but wealth and riches are always the fruits from these efforts.
It's always worth the questing and the digging. Long conversations reveal, finally, the pains held deep within. Silences allow spirits to emerge and mingle and be felt and absorbed. The building of trust is the revealing of a little hurt here, a heartache there and possibly a major grief from somewhere back in time. Intimacy can only develop where there is trust and trust will only grow where our fears can dissolve. It takes time but it is beautiful and elevates human love and connection to amazing, lofty heights. Take the time and take the risk.
True intimacy leads to sensual delights which open into sexual wonders. The sexual alone may be exciting but short lived and can so often feel hollow or empty in comparison to a deeper, spiritual connection. Sex can remain at the 'skin' or surface level and may never open to the delights below the surface. The truth is on the inside, the treasure is buried. Sex and intimacy better together.
Time, talk, touch, together are key in finding true intimacy and connection. In fact, the secret is to not complicate or crowd the process. Removing distractions and creating space for each other is vital. Maybe a regular date night that nothing will prevent. Maybe scheduled 'disconnect' time where the focus will be solely on conversation and each other without one eye glimpsing a screen or gadget. A shared bath at least once a week and favourite food dinners where the main ingredient would be chocolate all allow the focus to be firmly on each other and as the comfort grows, the trust increases and the layers and labels come down. It takes time but so well worth it because the mingling of hearts, minds and spirits will lead to emotionally and physically charged sexual intimacy as well.
Kelly McDonnell-Arnold in her article '10 Secrets To Cultivating Sexual Intimacy In A New relationship' shares some wise and compassionate secrets to building an intimacy based on trust and ways to keep that trusting love alive. Her reminders to couples to 'play' and 'put the phone away' are important practices to keep partners relaxed and focussed. Take a look at her article.
Take the time to find and share the beauty inside. Peel back each other's layers and reveal the rainbow greatness inside. Celebrate the joy in the sharing, the fun in the playing, the delight in the giving and the glorious, glowing, true happiness in the living.
Greg Kiernan - INTEGREATNESS Relationship Coaching